Denise Richards (home-wrecker and stealer of Heather Locklear’s husband, Richie Sambora) is being sued by two photographers, who claim she threw one of their laptops at them from a balcony, almost injuring an elderly woman.

“She definitely has an angel side and a demon side,” says a friend, who wishes to remain anonymous. Psychologist, Dr. Bernard Davidson, claims this “angel-demon” side is more asymptomatic of split personality disorder, where the person can appear to be euphorically, angelic one minute and ragefully, deviant the next.

Could we all be fooled? Possibly. That sweet angelic smile, and those crystal clear innocient-looking eyes, can lead us into total disbelief about the laptop-throwing event. It’s hard to believe it came from the same person, right! You never know.

Since Fergie was spotted wearing high-waisted pants, everyone has been talking about this fashion trend. “I think they make a woman delighted in adding an extra twenty pounds to her body frame, especially after she has starved herself just to lose a few pounds,” says Fergie. “It gives one a sense of having to work extra hard to appear slim, and I like that challenge.”

Fergie is not the only one wearing these highly unattractive trousers; Uma Thurman and Maddona have both been seen sporting them. “I think it’s refreshing to see these beautiful stars looking rather short and stubby,” says Jeannie Largo, a frequent dieter who has been struggling to appear slim in her 5″1, 150 lb. body frame. Frustrated with low-rise pants and the “mushroom effect” of the mid section hanging over, popping out below short t-shirts, Jeannie has found consulation in seeing the stars she has envied, donning what appears to be big, round rumps and wide hips that these high-waisted trousers seem to accentuate.

According to Pamela Anderson, her late husband, Kid Rock (A.K.A. Robert Ritchie), is infantile. “He has struggled with bedwetting for some time now and is constantly using his thumb as a pacifier,” says Anderson whose divorce to Kid Rock should be finalized within a month or so.

  “Whenever we used to go out, he had to bring along a pacifier that was disguised as a cigar - it helped him feel more like a man, when secretly he was feeling a need to be coddled.  

According to sources close to Pamela, Kid Rock’s compulsive behaviors interfered with their time spent together.  “I felt like my breasts were used more like a baby bottle,” Pamela has mentioned.  

Rumor has spread that Kid Rock also needed to bring a special baby-soft fleece blanket with him on tour and would get irate if his roadies misplaced it.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are up for another adoption. This time it will be a piglet from the island of Maui. When asked why they’ve decided to adopt a pig, their response was met with grief and speechlessness. After a little coaxing from a reporter, they came clean and admitted to their guilt for secret favoritisms they’ve encountered when adopting children from around the world. Because of the priorities they’ve been given in the “adoption lines” they’ve decided to quell the public envy and adopt a pig this time around.

“Pigs are abundant on the island of Maui and some go homeless, left to scavenge for their own survival. They fall plague to wild predators and sometimes they don’t even make it to a Luau after their demise,” says Angelina Jolie as she coddles the piglet of choice, which her and Brad have named, “Porko.”

Can we anticipate a family of piglets? “Maybe, down the road,” says Brad. “We might get Porko a little brother he can have around as company, so that he doesn’t feel like a minority in our home. Who knows, maybe as a bonding experience, Angelina and me will hop into the trough with him so he doesn’t feel alienated in his muddy surroundings.”

Paris has finally found her soul mate: Herself! Yes, folks, it’s true. And she will take it to the altar. Witnesses have spotted Paris shopping for a wedding gown. What might you ask has prompted this? She has been seen displaying public affections with herself and her mirror for some time now.

When asked why she would choose to puke off the side of the stage while singing a tune from her latest album, sources say, “It was sort of an attention-getting tactic. She was upset that her attention was turned to the audience to sing and that it was off of her own self. In a sense she was feeling self-betrayal.”

No worries, Paris. We’ll all be there to see you exchange vows with yourself. Maybe we can expect to see a full-length mirror at the altar too?

Dalton, GA – A truck driver from Georgia has claimed $195 million dollars after winning the state lottery.

“I want to buy every resident of the state Georgia a trailer,” said Ed Nabors, 52, of Rocky Face, Ga., to a crowd of homeless folk outside the local Denny’s restaurant, as the media onlookers videotaped his speech.

When asked what has prompted him to do this, his answer was, “Because Lord knows, the most humbling thing you can bestow on a person is to have him live in a trailer just for one day. My daughter has had to do this for years and only now can I afford to buy her a house. I want the people of Georgia to know how the lifestyle of a trailer park can change you for the better. It’s humbling and it brings you closer to God. Nightly bingo gatherings in the center recreational facilities are also a part of trailer park living, and really can give you a sense of community. It’s something I think every Georgian should experience.”

In tribute to Anna Nicole Smith, here is a poem that we received:

Anna Nicole
You will be missed
Anna Nicole
I’m sorry that it was you that got blitzed.

You made a lot of the world pissed

Anna Nicole
The world wants nothing more
Even food
They just want one more glimpse
of your Boob

After a flurry of surprise in winning an Oscar, Penelope Cruz took a bite out of her Oscar in hand.  The crowd went crazy as she then hoarded down the torso and the remaining legs of the golden sculpture. With her mouth full, she garbled an inaudible thank you and was escorted off the stage to the amazement of Ellen Degeneres (hostess of the Academy Awards).  Sources allude to the idea that her actions were a coping mechanism for the shock of winning the oscar. Others say delusion could have taken over and the oscar could in fact have appeared to look like a Krispy Kreme donut.