The Walk Vest is a weighted vest one can wear to burn extra calories, while moving about.  This gadget has become so popular, that competitors are coming up with some similar ones of their own:

1. The Walk Butt Pads (bulging pads of lead to not only motivate you to lose the badonkadonk you see in your mirror, but also weighted to burn where it counts).
2. The Lead Head (a brace around the head that, when used carefully, can burn calories around the head and neck – appropriate for anyone who considers themselves a meathead. Caution: Do not turn head too quickly otherwise, you may suffer from whip lash. Led Zeppelin fans are already interested in this product for the mere name alone.)
3. The Thunder Thighs Shields (weights along the thighs, which will make you feel like you are on valium when you walk. After taking them off, you will feel like you are walking on the moon, literally.)
4. Jelly Role Bowl (a bowl-like shape of lead around your mid-drift that makes your stomach get a peak work out. Careful not to lose too much of your spare tire, otherwise the Jelly Role Bowl may slip down, falling to your feet, crushing your toes.)

Ralph Nader’s announcement that he will run as a third party candidate has both Republicans and Democrats freaked out.

“I am worried this country might actually have a chance of being liked by other nations if he wins,” an anonymous civilian was quoted as saying.

“Shoot, if he wins, we might all be seeing an end to the war in Iraq and a universal health care system,” said another. “That could be pretty bad.”

“How bad?” asks Hollwordz.

Maybe so bad that Americans will actually feel that they can look forward to the future of this nation, without worrying about predator-style home loans, invasion of privacy, sky-rocketing credit card interest rates, and bankruptcies filed by the medically uninsured.

Talk around town is that Jackassworld.com will have everyone glued to their computers waiting for the big jackass tactic gone too far. Isn’t that why we all watch these acts anyway? Just like in car racing, everyone is wondering who will be the first to crash. But what would it mean to f*ck up jackass style? Probably a near death encounter or worse, public humility beyond belief. Isn’t this show full of public humility? Then what would top that? Maybe if someone is not very well endowed and then suddenly inadverdently their peter gets exposed?

However successful Jackassworld.com will be, we all know that these guys definitely have balls.

While in prison for almost a year for tax evasion, Joe Francis, originator of the Girls Gone Wild empire, has a new project in the making: Prisoners For Porn.

“My stay here has not been futile,” a guard has quoted him saying. Joe claimed to have witnessed some of the most “sensual contact between men” in years.

“I think all the focus on ‘T and A’, was only serving a selective audience of heterosexual men. Introducing a different kind of ‘b*tch,’ one with big manly arms and gang tattoos, will better serve those AC/DC folks – you know the ones that go both ways.”

When asked what has been the most engaging act witnessed during his incarceration, he was heard saying, “when a bottom became a top.”

The queen of a small, impoverished island off the coast of Siberia has just knighted Perez Hilton, celebrity tabloid exploiter.

His anointed title is now, “Knight Van Ahole. “ The name, “Ahole,” is a descriptive word in a dialect of Siberian to mean, “stale fruitcake.” Stale fruitcake is a delicacy to the island’s people, along with petrified dung from mollusks washed along the polluted shores.

Paparazzi were spotted outside the palace gates where the knighting ceremony took place. As helicopters flew overhead, Perez gave a token of appreciation to the queen by offering her what was left of a jumbo bag of Jalapeno Cheese Poppers, purchased from a local fast-food chain.

Word around Hollywood is that the being posing as Posh Spice may actually be an inhuman android from some distant planet in the galaxy.

“I know that deadpan, smile-free stare has to be something other than human form,” says an admiring fan.

Some Spice Girls fans think Posh’s body was abducted by an alien race and then perhaps a host took over.

“When I see pictures of her posing, I can’t help but wonder, ‘Where’s her soul?’”

Others speculate that her soul got caught up in one of her hubby’s (David Beckham) drop-kicked soccer balls, flung into the net, and maybe bounced right out of this time and space into another dimension.