Paris has finally found her soul mate: Herself! Yes, folks, it’s true. And she will take it to the altar. Witnesses have spotted Paris shopping for a wedding gown. What might you ask has prompted this? She has been seen displaying public affections with herself and her mirror for some time now.

When asked why she would choose to puke off the side of the stage while singing a tune from her latest album, sources say, “It was sort of an attention-getting tactic. She was upset that her attention was turned to the audience to sing and that it was off of her own self. In a sense she was feeling self-betrayal.”

No worries, Paris. We’ll all be there to see you exchange vows with yourself. Maybe we can expect to see a full-length mirror at the altar too?