Dr. Phil is obsessed with Britney and has been stalking her around town.

“I saw him with a glazed over look as he was hiding in the shrubbery outside of a Starbucks,” says an anonymous onlooker. “He had this weird expression as if he was on a drug or something. He was combing what’s left of his hair, as he looked into a compact mirror. It was as if he was grooming himself in case he ran into Britney.”

Other sources say every other word in his mouth is “Britney this and Britney that.” Someone close to the family said they noticed his daily planner had Britney’s name written on every page for the next year.

Britney Spears has reportedly been looking for a new home, one preferably near a Starbucks. Starbucks baristas at a Hollywood location claim she is such a frequent customer that it’s been border lining on harassment. “She comes in here and demands a Frappaccino and then wants to use our bathroom,” says an irritable barista. “She has talked about camping outside our door until we open in the morning.” And now she wants her home right next to a Starbucks, “preferably across the street from one.”

Brittney failed to show up for her deposition today. Later in the day, her lawyers were reported as filing papers to dismantle their legal representation of her.

So where was Brittney in all of this? Word has it that she was busy trying on different colored wigs with that shady paparazzi reporter. After mega musical chairs with different wigs, she was seen at Starbucks chugging down a grande Frappuccino.

We knew Brittney had better things to do. Besides, who needs legal representation anyways?